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| Image from: http://www.ft.com |
The "Dove Real Beauty Sketches" video has now been seen more than 54 million times. I was lucky enough to see it before it passed the half million mark and have been thinking about it ever since. A former FBI forensic artist was hired to draw seven women twice - both times unseen. Once based on the woman's own description of herself and then again based on the description of someone else that had just met them. The difference in each of the two portraits is stark with the ones done based on the person's own description of themselves appearing colder and 'uglier'. If you haven't seen the video yet it's worth taking a look now. The video is below and it's only 3 minutes:
Self-image is a fascinating topic. A straightforward definition of it from wikipedia states:
A person's self-image is the mental picture, generally of a kind that is quite resistant to change, that depicts not only details that are potentially available to objective investigation by others (height, weight, hair color, gender, I.Q. score, etc.), but also items that have been learned by that person about himself or herself, either from personal experiences or by internalizing the judgments of others. A simple definition of a person's self-image is their answer to the question "What do you believe people think about you?".
While the video is targeted towards women and physical appearance someone makes the following statement that rings true: "[Self image] impacts the choices in the friends we make, the jobs we apply for, how we treat our children. It impacts everything."
A huge part of mentoring is about working with what's going on inside a person. Understanding a mentee's mental map and having it understood by them will go a long way to achieving their goals. To get to that understanding I use certain questions such as:
A huge part of mentoring is about working with what's going on inside a person. Understanding a mentee's mental map and having it understood by them will go a long way to achieving their goals. To get to that understanding I use certain questions such as:
- If I spoke to your manager what would they say is your best quality? Your biggest gap?
- If I interviewed your colleagues (or your direct reports) what would they say are your strengths? Your weaknesses?
- Tell me about a time in your career when you felt most proud. Tell me why.
- Tell me about a time in your career when you felt like a huge failure. Tell me why.
Working through these questions will allow the person to talk through their perceptions which will reveal a lot about their self-image.
The tough thing about self-image is that it's notoriously difficult to change. The great thing about self-image is that even a very small shift can make a tremendous difference.
As an example I worked with several mentees whose self-image generated feelings of low self-confidence. They were afraid to make presentations or ask for choice projects. We started by understanding the (sometimes completely unfounded) causes of this lack of confidence and addressed many of those issues/perceptions head on. In some cases I had to help someone get comfortable with the possibility of trying something new and failing. But in other cases where the mentee was already talented in a particular area but lacked confidence all I did was encourage them to take a class or simply asked them to start acting as if they deserved the best assignments and start believing they could make stunning presentations. In all those cases over time we were able to surpass their own expectations of themselves. Their self-image had changed and along with that their reality had shifted positively.
As an example I worked with several mentees whose self-image generated feelings of low self-confidence. They were afraid to make presentations or ask for choice projects. We started by understanding the (sometimes completely unfounded) causes of this lack of confidence and addressed many of those issues/perceptions head on. In some cases I had to help someone get comfortable with the possibility of trying something new and failing. But in other cases where the mentee was already talented in a particular area but lacked confidence all I did was encourage them to take a class or simply asked them to start acting as if they deserved the best assignments and start believing they could make stunning presentations. In all those cases over time we were able to surpass their own expectations of themselves. Their self-image had changed and along with that their reality had shifted positively.
Even for folks that are very aware of the impact that self-image has on someone's success and happiness in the world it's striking to see that impact in a video like the one above. I hope it resonates with you.
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