7 Phrases to Help You During A Confrontation (At Work)

Inspired by a blog posting on Yahoo entitled "23 Phrases to Help You Fight Right" which is targeted towards personal relationships I wanted to share 7 phrases that can help you with a confrontation at work (and suggestions on how and when to use them). You'll notice some phrases work in both situations and that makes sense because in the end, personal or business, it's all about relationships and communication. 

1. "I'm confused" - This is my all time favorite phrase during a confrontation as it's a non-accusatory statement that gives you and others involved an 'out'. It's a phrase that invites everyone to be more detailed in their explanation of their position or find an alternate way to explain their position. When the communication is not working it's a clue to everyone to re-think their audience and find different ways of expressing themselves to better address that audience.
2. "My part in this problem is..." - If you are involved in a confrontation then 99% of the time you own some part of the problem. In recognizing and publicly stating that it takes some of the charge out of the conversation because the person you are confronting feels like they aren't in it alone.
3. "This is important to me because..." -  When people share their motivations behind their opposing positions they may find they actually share the same intention. Finding out your intentions match - that you are on the same 'team' from an approach perspective - can go a long way to resolving the problem. But often opposing positions are borne out of different overall goals. If the goals are different then that should be addressed before whatever it is you are fighting about. Make sure you and your colleagues are on the same page about direction before confronting them on specifics.
4. "Let's agree to disagree."  - You are not always going to agree with everyone on everything and many times you don't have to. If an issue needs to be escalated in the organization then end your confrontation with this phrase and a promise to go together and plead your case to a decision-maker. 
5. "Let's revisit this in a few [hours, days, weeks] after we've all had a chance to [research, reconsider, sleep on it, etc.] - At the very least this phrase will allow you to diffuse an immediate confrontation and defer to a later time when people have had time to cool down, do more research and possibly rethink their position. It's best when there are actions to take (the second part of this phrase) that can move some minds forward.
6. "Let's figure out what we do agree on." - Standard negotiating technique where your goal is to minimize the disagreement from the get go. Many times you find you and your colleagues agree on a lot more than appears at first blush which reduces the scope and stress of the confrontation.
7. "Let's try it one way for awhile and if that doesn't work let's try the other way" - If you show an openness to try things the other person's way many times that opens the door for them to try it your way. With this phrase you each validate and put a timeline for each other's approach. This can make things far more palatable. It allows for things to move forward and for everyone to gain some "real world" experience with each side's ideas.

I'm sure there are several more phrases you've successfully used during a confrontation so please share them in the comments below or in email to me! It would be very much appreciated!