Be kind to yourself

"Smile have a nice day sign" by larryc - Smile. Licensed under CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons

Whether you are a paid mentor/coach or a volunteer I believe the act of mentoring another is at its core an altruistic one. To be successful at this act one must connect at some level with the person across the room. Ideally a mentor would be open, at peace with themselves and kind. Sure there are your 'gruff' coaches here and there (mostly in the sports world :) ). But business and executive coaching require a certain finesse. One must be balanced and centered before one can balance and center others.

Now I am more of a Type A personality. Type A's are usually very hard on themselves in their never ending quest for over achievement. But a lesson a mentor taught me long ago was to be kind to myself. When you are kind to yourself then you can more easily by kind to others. It's akin to the famous saying "charity begins at home". I thought about that for a long while and decided there was much truth in that. As an example, if one is constantly judging oneself against high standards doesn't it follow that this same person will likely be judgmental of others? Being judgmental rarely brings out the best in people.

So what does it mean to be kind to oneself? There are many how-to articles out there (here's an example) but for me it boils down to 3 core values:

1. Be healthy - exercise! Among the many benefits of exercise is the release of endorphins which help relieve stress and make you feel good. As you feel good so will the people around you! Have you ever been around grumpy people and felt it rub off a little? Well the opposite is true. Positivity can also be contagious. Would you go to a mentor who is always in an unhealthy or unhappy place? Probably not. Go for a run, do yoga, lift weights, climb stairs, etc. Don't just carry a mobile device - be a mobile device yourself and move around!!
2. Be patient - slow down! Slowing down helps reduce stress in a number of ways. First it allows you time to take in what you are experiencing in the moment. It also allows you time to prepare for upcoming events rather than being rushed. When you slow down you can more easily find a natural balance. Being patient with yourself and others is also critical when working with a mentee as it creates a calming space for them to share whatever they are dealing with at that time. It's hard to be deep when you feel you're in a rush. To slow down some people learn to meditate others simply pack less activities in their day. Still others re-examine their life goals and make sure they are overall realistic. Whatever you do make 'being patient' a priority and you may notice it will start to happen naturally.
3. Have fun - this may be the most important of the 3 values! Make sure to treat yourself to something, however small, every day. Perhaps it's a glass of wine, favorite tv show, trashy novel, surfing the web, phone call to a best friend or a simple walk in the park. There are enough stressful things out there we each have to deal with on a daily basis that I think it's key to reward oneself in some way every day. Having fun also involves not taking everything so seriously and laughing often and much.

Given that I'm Type A I am of course still perfecting my approach to being kind to myself and I still haven't gotten good enough yet :) . But I've come a long way since taking a step back and learning that kindness, both inwards and outwards, can make all the difference!

"Kindness, I've discovered, is everything in life." - Isaac Bashevis Singer